January 2010
55 posts
“This simple recipe takes ordinary asparagus and turns it into a side dish that...”
– Annoying presumptuous heteronormative woman on AllRecipes
December 2009
33 posts
People I Get Confused About
Nick Drake
Nick Lowe
Nick Cave
Me: Do you think peeing feels yellow?
Borfy: Oh, definitely.
CatStuff: Tail Talk →
“A successful marriage is basically an endless cycle of wrongs committed,...”
– Dan Savage
New Year's Day plans
- Sleep in as late as pets will allow
- Cook something amazing for brunch, to be had with bloody Marys or mimosas (ooh, or maybe Dumante and OJ)
- Laze around reading and/or napping
- Spend time with Northern California guidebook that we got for Christmas, plotting honeymoon
- Watch 8 1/2, which we’ve had from Netflix for quite a while
- Sex
- Cook something luxurious for dinner
...
I can’t stop watching that video I posted yesterday. That song makes me wish I were a rapper so I could sample it. I even found the mp3 so I can enjoy it elsewhere.
Also, right now I reeeeally want to stop working and go read New Moon. Also also, I’ve determined that I kind of like Edward Cullen the character, but there is something deeply unattractive about Robert Pattinson. I think it’s partly that he reminds me of my very pretty but annoying ex. And I find his eyebrows overbearing compared to his otherwise delicate features. And his jaw is too...
“Choke on my turd on your way to hell!”
– Me, to Windows running on my MacBook
WatchThis actually sort of rocks. A lot.
“I don’t want your nose hairs interfering with my precision instrument.”
– Borfy, declining to let me try the nose hair trimmer I got him for Christmas
“Few things are as hot as my cock.”
– Borfy
A Woman Waits for Me - Walt Whitman
A woman waits for me—she contains all, nothing is lacking, Yet all were lacking, if sex were lacking, or if the moisture of the right man were lacking. Sex contains all, Bodies, Souls, meanings, proofs, purities, delicacies, results, promulgations, Songs, commands, health, pride, the maternal mystery, the seminal milk; All hopes, benefactions, bestowals, All the passions, loves,...
Me: Is it time for a bagel?
Borfy: Yeah, go eat a bagel!
Me: What will you eat?
Borfy: I guess I could have some cereal or something.
Me: I could make you some eggs if you want.
Borfy: No thank you, I don’t want any eggs.
Me: Fuck you!
Borfy: How come you never see brown Christmas lights?
Me: Because brown is ugly. It is the color of poop. I’ll find you some brown Christmas lights. You can decorate your asshole with them!
Hello, extremely tall, handsome young barista!
Ooo ah ah
When I was in elementary school there was this kid named Jason who used to sing this song. I just Googled it and couldn’t find it. I wonder where the fuck he got it. (He didn’t seem the sort to make up such romantic lyrics on his own.)
Ooo ah ah, I took her in the house, Ooo ah ah, I laid her on the couch. Ooo ah ah, it went in easy, Ooo ah ah, it came out greasy.
Perhaps there is a...
Villanelle by William Empson
It is the pain, it is the pain endures. Your chemic beauty burned my muscles through. Poise of my hands reminded me of yours.
What later purge from this deep toxin cures? What kindness now could the old salve renew? It is the pain, it is the pain endures.
The infection slept (custom or change inures); And when pain’s secondary phase was due, Poise of my hands reminded me of yours.
How...
“I’m hungry. If by ‘I’ you mean ‘you’ and if by...”
– Borfy
“You know what’s really similar to meditation? Alcohol.”
– Me
Cat Sounds →
How to drive your cat totally fucking nuts.
10 of the Best Freak Outs Over Video Games →
This makes me not want to have kids. Because I might have a boy. And it might turn out like some of these. And then I would have to kill it.
Also, angry Germans? Fucking scary!
Morning Song for Borfy (with apologies to the...
It’s time for kwerfy It’s time for delicious kwerfernerted bervrerge It’s time to get your lazy ass out of bed and start the daaaaaay It’s ti-i-i-ime for kwerfy, okay.
“Does my pussy look fat? …Don’t Tweet that.”
– Me
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